Sixteenth Entry: The Geekest

September 22nd

Sharon is over at Alex's place, and I am left here alone. It's nice to have some peace and quiet in my apartment. I am sitting here at my desk, looking at an Azumanga Daioh hanging banner where a window would be in a normal apartment. That picture of me and Sharon at the anime con is on the desk in front of me, the one with her as Integra Wingates Hellsing, and me as Mr. Kimura.

I remember going to that convemtion; Sharon kept me running around all weekend from panel to panel to the cosplay competition (we lost to someone dressed as Cloud Strife, I guess you do not argue with someone carrying a seven foot long sword, even if it is made out of cardboard).The whole weekend was a blast, but I realize that I was dancing to the music Sharon was playing.

We stood outside the vendor room, sharing a box of Pocky (which was always so overpriced at the cons, but we always bought some anyway), and reviewing the schedule. We were trying to decide what to do next,” We’ve got a couple of hours before the AMV competition. We should go see the Spike Spencer voice acting presentation.” I suggested.

“There’s a Crispin Freeman Q and A! We should go to that,” Sharon replied enthusiastically.

“We went to his voice acting thing yesterday though. I’m interested in the voice acting stuff. I could do that, you know?”

“But Crispin Freeman is so cute!” she squealed, making cute into at least a three syllable word.

“Spike Spencer is cute.”

“Oh come on! Let’s go see Crispin! He was Alucard, you like Alucard.” she flounced, gesturing with her prop cigar.

“I like Shinji too,” I retorted.

“You like Haji; he was Haji.”

“He says like ten words as Haji.”

“But he says them a lot!” she thought for a second after that, then yelled, “Togusa! Albedo! Will Turner!”

“Ack! Alright, alright, I give up.”

So of course we did go see the Freeman thing, and it was fun and all, but it is an example of how whipped I was, but no more. It’s not that I do not love her, or that I do not want her to love me the same way, but that I want her to be happy, and if dating Alex is what makers her happy, then so be it. Besides, I have found someone new.

I’m not talking about a relationship or anything, more of a kindred spirit. Someone with the same interested and the same problem of being in love with someone she cannot get either; Tara Lafferty. Bizarre, I know. You’d never know it, but she is quite the geek.

I found this out yesterday; we had clean-up duty, and Sharon never showed up. I was pretty much equal parts worried and pissed off. I went into Alex’s outer office where Tara’s desk is. I found her sitting at her sitting there typing away busily, looking back and forth between some papers on her desk, and her computer monitor.

“Have you seen Sharon by any chance?” I asked her.

Tara stopped typing, exhaleded through her nose, and looked up at me coldly, “Why yes, I have. Your friend and Mister Sigler went to the movie theater, and were then apparently going to have lunch. That was four hours ago… must be a hell of a meal. Why do you ask?”

“She was supposed to be on clean-up duty today, and she never showed up. I was just wondering what happened to her.”

I guess I must have completely failed to hide my disappointment that Alex and Sharon were together at his place, because Tara’s expression suddenly changed from chilly to almost sad, ”I’m sorry. I’m sure she’s okay.”

“I’m sure she’s more than okay,” I know that came out sounding as bitter as I felt.

“You really like her, huh?”

“Obvious to everyone but her. We’ve been friends for years, but I guess I’ve never made my feelings about her clear, and now that she’s with Alex, I want to stay out of the way so she can be happy,” I said, pouring my heart out inappropriately.

“ I know the feeling.”

“Yeah, right!”

“Why is that so hard to believe? The person I like right now doesn’t think of me in that way at all. It’s even someone you know.”

“Oh? Are you after Sharon too?”

Tara snickered at that, ”Well, she is a cutie in her own way, but no.”

“Okay, who. Not Hashmir?”

“Oh God no,” she said loudly. She stopped and thought for a second, “It’s Alex.”

“You too? What the hell? Why do all you women want him? His skin's like two shades darker than the zeds. He looks like he should be sleeping in a coffin.”

“It’s hard to explain. Of course all girls like the bad boy, but it’s more than that.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked.

She sighed again, “Don’t think of me as too pathetic, but I don’t really have any friends anymore. Most of my friends were over the Internet, and even the RL ones didn’t live here, and didn’t show up with the refugees. You and I share some things in common, and I kind of thought that maybe we could… you know, be friends.”

Wow, was that awkward. Tara sounded like I feel when trying to ask a girl out.

“Umm, sure. I could always use more friends,” I said with what I hope was a friendly smile, ”but why would you want to be friends with me?”

She raised her eyebrows and blinked at me, “You mean besides what I just told you?”

“Yes, other than being in love with people who are in love with each other, what could you and I possibly have in common?” I realize in writing this what a dick I must have sounded like, but she didn’t take offense.

“Well, we do live in the same commerce community in a world overrun by the living dead. Need more?”

“Is there more?”

She licked her upper teeth behind her closed lips,” Well, let me put it this way; not all lady geeks look like Sharon.”

“You’re no geek. You’re…” I started to say beautiful, but then thought better of it, ”you’re one of the cool kids.”

“No. I’ve never been one of the cool kids. I was the loner, and I still am. I think most people rank me up alongside Kaur and Rontreal in the top ten least friendly category.”

I really wanted to argue with her there, but she was right. I’ve never had much interaction with her before now; not only is she probably ten years older than me, but she is scary when she gets angry, and it seems like whenever she’s out of this office, she’s angry. Cute, but cold would be a good way of putting it.

“You seem nice enough to me,” I replied instead,” but you’re not a geek.”

“I am. I’m a huge Star Wars geeks.”

“Liking Star Wars does not automatically make you a geek,” I argued, “Being a geek is a lifestyle. What about comics? Anime?”

“I like anime.”

“What anime have you seen?”

“Cowboy Bebop, Akira, ummm… Howl’s Moving Castle.”

“Everyone’s seen those, give me something geeky. Fooly Cooly? Paranoia Agent?”

She shook her head, “Tell you what, little boy, to prove to you that I’ve been a geek since you were in diapers, come over to my place tonight, bring your DVDs, and I’ll show you who’s the geekest. I’ve got Mountain Dew and Funyuns,” she grabbed a Post-It pad off of her desk, and started writing on it.

“Miss Lafferty, you are trying to seduce me, aren’t you?”

“Dream on, nerd,” she said laughing, and handed me the yellow piece of paper.

If you were to ask me why I was being so open with her, I couldn’t really tell you. It felt comfortable and natural, and really more so than I feel around Sharon now. It’s not love, but I don’t know what it is. I still love Sharon, and would slay every zed in Covenant if that would win her heart, but I know I have strained our friendship with my jealousy over Alex. I’m getting ahead of myself.

.
So I went to Tara’s apartment; it is so much nicer than mine. Her apartment is two bedrooms, and it is on the outer wall of the top floor, so she actually has windows in both bedrooms and the living room. Clearly being Alex Sigler’s assistant pays a lot better than working a cash register.

I was surprised by the style in her place. A lot of blacks and reds, my first thought upon entering was “Sith”. On one wall of her living room was a giant plasma flat screen television, and facing it was a black couch. On the wall above the couch, flanked by three light sabers on each side was a framed poster for “Star Wars: Revenge of the Jedi”, the one with the giant red and black Vader’s head on it. The poster was autographed by a number of people; I was able to pick out Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher’s signatures on it.

“Is that real?” I asked Tara, pointing to the poster.

“Indeed it is. That’s not a reproduction either, that’s one of the original teaser posters.

She showed me around the rest of her apartment. The red and black color scheme continues through the place except for in the bathroom, which was a frosty white and blue. Honestly I kind of expected the whole place to be in blues.

It was all very nice, but what really made my jaw drop was her second bedroom. She had done the place up as a combination office, gaming room, and shrine to Star Wars. Another flat screen dominated one wall, surrounded by Star Wars figures in their blister packs. Under the TV was an entertainment rack with an X-Box 360, a PS3, a Wii, and a Blu Ray player. The walls were covered in more Star Wars items, posters, autographed pictures, action figures, Mr. Potato Heads, Pez dispensers.

Her gaming room also had a bookshelf full of games and DVDs, a set of instruments for Rock Band 2, and what looked like a truly awesome computer. The two monitors that dominated her desk were huge, but also rather dusty, as if she had not used them in awhile.

“So are you prepared to admit it? I am the geekest,” Tara said with a grin.

Putting on an awful British accent, I conceded, “I bow down before you madam, and admit it, you are indeed the geekest.” I even bowed while saying it.

The night was a bit of a blur. True to her word, she did have Mountain Dew (regular and Code Red), and she did have Funyuns, and the night was spent watching about half of “Paranoia Agent” while she schooled me in some old Star Wars trading card game I had never played before. It was honestly the most fun I’ve had since the end of the world.

It was after three in the morning when I left (I didn’t have anything going on today, although I’m sure Tara is regretting staying up so late). Tara gave me a hug at the door, and we thanked each other for the nice evening. It’s really nice to spend time with someone like that, just hanging out. I suppose it’s really my fault that I can’t spend time like that with Sharon anymore though.

I was trying to be quiet as I entered my apartment, unsure whether or not Sharon was even there. She was, and I must not have been quiet enough, as her voice called out my name in the darkness, “Is that you?” she asked.

“Yeah, it’s just me. Sorry to wake you.” I called back.

The light in my bedroom came on, and a moment later Sharon came out. She was wearing one of my t-shirts as a nightshirt, and it only came down to mid thigh. She had neglected to put on her glasses, and was rubbing her eyes as she came into the room.

“Where have you been? I was worried,” she asked groggily.

“I was at Tara Lafferty’s. I would have left you a note, but I didn’t know if you would be back tonight or not.”

“Tara? Alex’s assistant Tara?”

“Yeah.”

Sharon’s eyes looked a little hurt at this, ”Why were you there?”

“Just hanging out, playing cards, watching TV; nothing major. Why?”

She looked down at the floor, “No reason. I just didn’t really see you all day.”

“That’s because you were too busy going out with Alex to show up for clean-up crew,” why yes, I am a dick.

She came to me them, and put her arms around me, and hugged me tight, “Are you upset about me and Alex?”

I wanted to yell at her at that. What a stupid question! Of course it bothers me! Not only is he almost old enough to be her dad, and almost pale enough to be undead, but he’s not me! I wanted to tell her that I love her, and I’ve loved her for years, but I didn’t say any of that, what I said was, ”No.”

She kept hugging me, and said, “Yes you are, and I’m sorry. You’re my best friend in the whole world, and you know I love you, right?”

“And I love you too,” I replied, avoiding the question. Those words have a different meaning when she says them; she's using a different definition.

She pulled back, but kept her hands on my upper arms and looked me in the eyes, “Are you and Tara seeing each other then?”

“We’re just friends. She’s alone, I’m alone, it turns out she outgeeks both you and I, and she’s just a lot of fun to be around. Plus she had Funyuns.”

“But she’s always so, I don’t know, cold. I’ve never seen her be friendly to anyone, not even Alex.”

“She’s perfectly pleasant to me,” I replied, knowing exactly why Tara is not friendly to her.

Sharon looked down at the floor again, “Well, you just be careful with her, okay? She’s a lot older than you.”

“Alex is older than her,” I said flatly

She looked me in the eyes again. Maybe it was just that she had just woken up, but it looked like her eyes were getting watery.

“Just be careful,” she said, and then turned and walked back into the bedroom,” Good night,” she called back to me.

And that is when I realized it, after all these years, after all the times I was absolutely sick with jealousy when she was seeing someone, I had finally made her jealous. I know I am an absolute ass for feeling good about that, but there it is. Sharon is jealous that I am spent time with Tara! It is to LOL.